Random Thoughts

Was going through an old notebook today for a class and came across a bunch of random notes I apparently made a couple years back.  Some are humerous, other more insightful.  Either way I got a kick out of them, so here they are for your entertainment:

Three elderly men sit on their porches and look to the stars.
The family man regrets not spending more time with his children
The god fearing man regrets not doing more to ensure his place in heaven
The  physicist regrets not being born later, so that he might have travelled to those stars.

Guilt is a farce brought upon oneself when something is done wrong, as if feeling bad about it somehow excuses or lessens the original mistake.

Admitting that you’re a hypocrite doesn’t make it ok that you are one.  However thinking you aren’t one is far far worse.

The greatest insult you can inflict on another is to tell them how they should live because you care about them.  Children will resent it for hindering their desired development, and adults will tell you to mind your own business.

We get closer and closer to a moment in time where humanity develops it’s own immortality.  We could well be the last of the mortals, doomed men developing the technology so that our children can roam the stars.

Any true person of the faith should never worry or concern for the actions of others.  Everything that happens is part of God’s plan, and He will be the judge of our souls, not you.

Don’t ever argue with a woman.  Regardless of who is right, the man will regret it.

Ever see a cat worry?  Ever see a cat write poetry or do calculus?  Gotta take the good with the bad.

English is my favorite language.  No other language allows emphasis to utterly rewrite a sentence without changing a word.
-My leftovers would be very much appreciated by starving children in Africa.
:Starving children in africa would like to eat my leftovers OR
:If I starve children in Africa, my leftovers would be appreciated
Well dammit, I want my food to feel special.

The best thing about grenades is that you can only hold one for too long once.  Twice if you’re really lucky and stupid.

“Almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades” really doesn’t hold up in court.

You know society is jaded when they war with another country for a reason that turns out to be completely false, and nobody gets in trouble.  I got fined a month’s salary on top of community service for giving alcohol to a girl that can legally drink it at home, but completely destroying a country for no justifiable reason for a few years is completely forgivable?

Sometimes I like to pretend that conditional words are static in meaning.  Yes, last Thursday I told you I’d pay you back tomorrow.  It’s not tomorrow yet now is it?

Next time someone tells you that they think clowns are creepy, explain to them that they’re just poor schlubs like the rest of us trying to make a living.  Except for that one right behind them.

People that defend tradition as a reason to continue doing something are either liars or living in caves wearing animal fur.  We don’t have electricity, computers, cars, books, music, democracy, or just about anything else developed since the dawn of man because of tradition.

Deficit spending sucks, but underfunded federal, state, and county programs suck more.  Oh boo hoo, they had to add a column to the national debt clock, at least our schools, roads, and emergency services still work.  Priorities people.

Pretty sure my Catholic Church at home has gone rogue.  Monseignor talks about how the most important thing we can do for others is respect their differences, love, and support them.  It scares me that hearing that makes me think my church is bucking authority.

According to each religion there are a number of specific things you must do to get into heaven.  Each religion understandably feels that they have the correct idea, which means that, according to at least one religion, no matter what you think, you’re going to hell.  If those little differences are insignificant and don’t really matter, then why bother forming a religion around them?

Always try to avoid getting a first floor apartment.  Sure you have to lug your furniture upstairs but you’re infinitely more prepared for zombies and/or raptor attacks.

You don’t need a gun to protect your home from burglary, you just need a tape player with the sound of a shotgun being cocked recorded on it.  Hell if you actually shot the guy he’d sue your ass off and win anyway.

I never really understood the phrase “getting caught with your pants down.”  Depending on the situation that can be exactly what you want.
-On the toilet?  Good call!
-With the significant other?  Kinky
—When their parents walk in?  Very bad
—-Because you’re giving birth at the hospital?  Standard procedure, akin to toilet situation
—–But you’re the guy?  I think what the phrase means is the least of your worries then

Anyone that wants to get into politics isn’t fit for the job.  Public service doesn’t mean the public serves you.

People say the devil’s greatest achievement was convincing the world he didn’t exist.  Honestly I think his solo in The Devil Went Down to Georgia was pretty epic, but to each their own I suppose.

Worrying and missing your significant other isn’t a sign of problems in your relationship.  You worry about and miss them because you care about them.  It’s when you stop doing these things that you should be concerned.

Every page has two sides, no matter how thin it is.  And then some jerk had to go and create the Mobius Strip.  Fuck you guy, my analogy still stands.